LIFE CHANGES

Okay in about 10 hours it will be exactly 8 years ago that my life changed as I had come to take advantage of, one day you are there doing your thing and suddenly the carpet gets pulled out from underneath you and it changes your life and puts you on a whole new course. Eight years ago on October 17, 2000 approx. 2:30 a.m. Spenser was diagnosed with Severe Aplastic Anemia. That was the first day of life, out of control. Because of course I thought I HAD control, my first mistake.

The next year and a half were to say the least an interesting learning experience. To say the worst, a living hell. I don't mean to sound selfish, but between regular scheduled office visits to Primary Children's Hospital, emergency visits to Logan and Primary hospitals, helicopter, ambulance and driving as fast as I could in the fog to the hospital. Constant worry that any germ could make Spenser sick, constant worry about blood counts, drawing blood, becoming a pseudo nurse and still wondering if and how this is affecting the rest of the family attending football and basketball games. Parent teacher conferences, working, making sure bills were getting paid. Making sure the house was clean, the clothes were clean. Making sure Spenser was feeling as normal as she could. Hospital stays, attempts at immune suppression to restart her bone marrow, the chemo the radiation the hair falling out and her brushing it out to give as Christmas gifts. Christmas for the girls, birthdays, anniversaries, dancing, tryouts, homework, making the team, school, everyday girl stuff. The sores and worries of Spenser must have had (we were both trying to be brave for each other). The operations, the cultures, the ICU, insurance, the meds, these are just a few of the things that could really stress a person out, especially for someone who thought her life was in control.

At the same time, what an experience for my family, I mean really how many of you know a teenage girl that would spend her Saturday nights week after week with their baby sister in the hospital, because she was getting a emergency transfusion. Well I happen to know two of them, they are the most amazing girls anyone could ask for. Anyone would be lucky enough to have one but somehow I managed to get THREE wonderful and beautiful girls.

I have to say that my life isn't exactly where I thought it would be 10 years ago. But, and sometimes I feel really guilty about thinking it is good. I really don't have to many complaints, I mean really everybody has LIFE happen to them, overall my life is pretty damn good. I never expected to be happy again, I really thought my life was over when Spenser passed away I at times thought that I wouldn't be able to go on. It isn't natural to have children pass away before you do. But I still had Kirsten and Courteney, Todd and even myself to take care of, we were still trying to cope with such a loss.

I have to say that not a day goes by that I don't think of something Spenser would have said or done. She is still a big part of my life. I miss her, so much sometimes it hurts. But I now know that she isn't hurting anymore.

Who would have thought that both Todd and I would be working at Harris and not only that working right next to each other, riding together almost everyday (thanks to gas being so high). Sometimes the drive, well I am not going to lie is just to much for either of us to handle. Luckily at night we both have separate floors to be on.
So basically the moral of this long story is - even though it isn't how I thought my life would be, and I miss Spenser so much...it still is a good life and I am thankful.

CandleLighters

Okay so I left one thing out we did the last week in September, because it was just a little more special. So every year since Spenser passed away we go an event that CandleLighters hosts. Basically it is for parents and families of children who have passed away in past years from any form of childhood cancer. And well Spenser did not have cancer I am so grateful to be invited as a family to participate in honoring and remembering our children.
I think and everyone in my family agrees that the first year we went it was amazing, they spotlighted each child and had a wonderful message I think we left feeling a little better than when we came. Since that first year well things haven't been that great but we still go and every year it gets a little better. The best part is that it is at Memory Grove in SLC, it is beautiful there and every year they do it a little earlier in the year so we can enjoy the scenery. If you have the means I highly recommend you going there one day. You'll know I'm not lying.
So on October 1st Me, Todd and Courteney went down to Salt Lake, (we missed Kirsten and Tanner this year) the weather was great, it was warm and clear skies. It was nice and we had a good time, I love to think about Spenser and remember how silly she was just remember her period. Even though I think of her every single day this is just a special time for us. I hope that everyone has the opporturnity to share their greif with people who really understand the circumstances that brought them together. Even though it is hard surrounding yourself with people who really get it, it is just nice.
Anyway every year we get a button made with a picture of our child and this year it was this one. This was taking in Lucille Packard Childrens Hospital at Stanford in Palo Alto, CA. The doggy on her head is from the most amazing person I will never meet. Her bone marrow donor.

That Famous Preston Night Rodeo

Okay this last weekend was a full weekend to say the least...The last time I blogged was on Friday when Kirsten had her last day at USU. Well that evening we had sushi for dinner at Kazoku in Smithfield it was delish, plus we learned that Kazoku means Family in Japanese.

Well then on Saturday I saved up all my calories for "Fair Food" I love it. By the time Todd and I made it up to it was nine o'clock and I was ready for a good greasy carni handled corn dog. It was fabulous, I couldn't have asked for a better appetizer or a better view of the greatest mullet since 1986.

After that we moved on to the funnel cakes another amazing "Fair Food" you can't pass up. I thought we had spaced the timing of eating pretty well. But it left me still a little hungry and now I wanted fries, but the fries there were not that great looking. So we left, but not before seeing....

Now what bride to be wouldn't want their bridals taken at the carnival. I just don't know.

Now time for fries and a Dr. Pepper, screw the eating right. I am an adult I am accountable for everything I eat. (and it shows). Now we're off, time to go home. Ahh, but not before stopping and seeing Todd's mom. And where do you find his mom in Preston, at home you say, nay, at a bar, of course. So we check out the closest one The Owl and tahdah magically she was there. So we go in to talk to her and invite her to Kirsten and Tanner's little shindig we are having on Sunday. She of course is way past "half in the bag" and has to introduce us to everyone she sees and most of everyone has no idea that she even has kids. I just want to go but before that can happen I hear a man announce. "Qwayne is up, it is his turn and he will be singing, KISS' Doctor Love". This just topped off the evening, as he walked up to sing he pulled out his shades and put them on soooo cool and seductive. (People were watching) And then he began to sing. OMG I thought I would die laughing it was so funny. But we couldn't laugh at least not out loud, Todd is asking me where my camera was, I'd left it in the car dang it. But the image of Todd's mom's clampet boyfriend is burned on my brain. And it isn't just the singing, oh no, the dancing too. Mostly pelvic thrusting and Todd's mom was so proud she has been wanting us to see him sing for years. (I am still shuddering). That has to be the best Preston Night I have ever had. Everywhere we looked a gahut or a clampet.

Sunday, we had a little going away for K and T, here are a few pics from that day. Nicky was even in town. It was nice.

Traci, Sutton and Nilda

Grandpa and Whitney

Danny

Nicole and Michelle

Your Mama Don't Dance and Your Daddy Don't Rock and Roll...Whatever

Well the Fourth of July weekend has come to a close... It was a great one too, even though my kids are no where in sight. Courte still in KY and Kirsten and Tanner in WY. But, my cute friends Jim and Julie were here to keep us company.

The weekend began on Thursday, July 3rd, Todd and I headed down to SLC to the ESA (formly known as the Delta Center) Energy Solutions Arena. We saw Dokken and Bret Michaels with Poison. IT WAS AWESOME!!! I love Bret, he is on my list of people I would divorce Todd, to be with in a second. Todd is very aware of the list.

Don Dokken, I think he kind of looks like Meatloaf.

Bret Michaels

Bret Michaels

C.C. Deville

The Bass Player from Dokken and our concert buddy,

I found her to be very observant, she thought that Todd of course looked like he was in his forties,
but not me. I think she was pretty smart.
Then on Friday the Fourth of July we had our usual crowd my family at my house for the parade, lunch and fireworks...

At the parade... Justin, Ene, Francene and Cameron (nephew, sister, neice-in-law and nephew).

Joey and Victoria (sister and neice)

After parade festivities lunch, fair at the park and usually just sit and enjoying everyone.

Vannessa and G'ma

Grandpa doing just one of the things he does best.

Victoria

Cameron and Francene

Todd and I didn't stay for the fireworks because we went to the STYX concert with friends. Here is Todd and Julie in front of our dream vehicle, Julie posing for her engagement picture. Kind of Redneckish don't ya think.

STYX was pretty cool.

Jim and his dad, the car used to be his dads, it was the giveaway car for this year... A stupid girl won it. I think Jim was very sad.

This is me and Julie at the Crusin' on Saturday. Are we just so cute. Jim and Todd are pretty lucky!

Just Starting...

So we started this today because I thought it would be a good way to show our friends and family the things we are doing. So where to begin?

A little about the two of us...
Todd and I are high school sweethearts. I really hate that phrase, but what are you going to do. It is what it is.

We were married January 1985.
We have three beautiful daughters - Kirsten, Courteney and Spenser.
All three are fabulous and doing very well.

We are basically empty nesters now, I love it, it is the greatest thing next to having kids. We have the benefit of kids but they don't stay around all the time and the best thing ever is that I don't have to pay for everything anymore. (just some things)

This is us on our way to Memphis, I will write more about this later.

Kirsten is finishing her Masters in Accounting and will be starting her new job in the fall. She and her husband Tanner will soon be moving away and I can wait for that to happen. We will miss them so much.

Courteney will be starting her third year of college and doing well. She moved to Kentucky for the summer with her friend Ty. She seems to be having a good time and enjoying being away for awhile.

Spenser, well she passed away a little over five years ago, she is still a part of our lives and we think of her everyday.

She is our little angel.