HRI Halloween Party

So we had our Halloween Party today!!! Yea! Todd went as a weiner and I didn't dress up, I still have one more opportunity to dress up. I just don't know if I can make it. It is at a co-workers house but it doesn't start for another hour and that's past my bedtime and an old fart tonight. We'll have to see what happens.

Anyway today at our party Todd got "Employee of the Month". Pretty cool, huh. He wasn't even expecting it and I can usually guess who they are talking about but this one went right over my head. But wait, that isn't all that happened.

So we've been doing "The Biggest Loser" at work and I have been trying to slim down a bit (okay a lot). So I made Todd join Weight Watchers with me in February and of course he lost his weight rather quickly. But that little sucker is still losing weight. I tell him all the time he's done and needs to quit eating like a girl on a diet. But I think he enjoys telling people that he is still losing. We have officially become the skinny man with the fat wife. It's sad, I know. But he refuses to eat more and lift weights. Anyway back to the other good news, we've been doing this TBL contest sincs June sometime and well I came in third, so I won one hundred dollars, pretty awesome, huh. I should have been first but one girl changed birth control and lost automatically and another one is still nursing. Oh well, you win some, you come in third on others. I am way excited for both of them!
I'll post pictures from our party on Monday.

Halloween

I am usually not a big fan of Halloween but Todd has been getting into it the last couple of years, so I think we will be having a good time with the Harris party and then I'm sure a really good time at one of our co-workers' party that night. She threatened that if I didn't show up in a costume that I would have to have 5 shots to get in the place. I am a little tempted to take the shots so I don't have to dress up. I guess we'll see.

LIFE CHANGES

Okay in about 10 hours it will be exactly 8 years ago that my life changed as I had come to take advantage of, one day you are there doing your thing and suddenly the carpet gets pulled out from underneath you and it changes your life and puts you on a whole new course. Eight years ago on October 17, 2000 approx. 2:30 a.m. Spenser was diagnosed with Severe Aplastic Anemia. That was the first day of life, out of control. Because of course I thought I HAD control, my first mistake.

The next year and a half were to say the least an interesting learning experience. To say the worst, a living hell. I don't mean to sound selfish, but between regular scheduled office visits to Primary Children's Hospital, emergency visits to Logan and Primary hospitals, helicopter, ambulance and driving as fast as I could in the fog to the hospital. Constant worry that any germ could make Spenser sick, constant worry about blood counts, drawing blood, becoming a pseudo nurse and still wondering if and how this is affecting the rest of the family attending football and basketball games. Parent teacher conferences, working, making sure bills were getting paid. Making sure the house was clean, the clothes were clean. Making sure Spenser was feeling as normal as she could. Hospital stays, attempts at immune suppression to restart her bone marrow, the chemo the radiation the hair falling out and her brushing it out to give as Christmas gifts. Christmas for the girls, birthdays, anniversaries, dancing, tryouts, homework, making the team, school, everyday girl stuff. The sores and worries of Spenser must have had (we were both trying to be brave for each other). The operations, the cultures, the ICU, insurance, the meds, these are just a few of the things that could really stress a person out, especially for someone who thought her life was in control.

At the same time, what an experience for my family, I mean really how many of you know a teenage girl that would spend her Saturday nights week after week with their baby sister in the hospital, because she was getting a emergency transfusion. Well I happen to know two of them, they are the most amazing girls anyone could ask for. Anyone would be lucky enough to have one but somehow I managed to get THREE wonderful and beautiful girls.

I have to say that my life isn't exactly where I thought it would be 10 years ago. But, and sometimes I feel really guilty about thinking it is good. I really don't have to many complaints, I mean really everybody has LIFE happen to them, overall my life is pretty damn good. I never expected to be happy again, I really thought my life was over when Spenser passed away I at times thought that I wouldn't be able to go on. It isn't natural to have children pass away before you do. But I still had Kirsten and Courteney, Todd and even myself to take care of, we were still trying to cope with such a loss.

I have to say that not a day goes by that I don't think of something Spenser would have said or done. She is still a big part of my life. I miss her, so much sometimes it hurts. But I now know that she isn't hurting anymore.

Who would have thought that both Todd and I would be working at Harris and not only that working right next to each other, riding together almost everyday (thanks to gas being so high). Sometimes the drive, well I am not going to lie is just to much for either of us to handle. Luckily at night we both have separate floors to be on.
So basically the moral of this long story is - even though it isn't how I thought my life would be, and I miss Spenser so much...it still is a good life and I am thankful.

CandleLighters

Okay so I left one thing out we did the last week in September, because it was just a little more special. So every year since Spenser passed away we go an event that CandleLighters hosts. Basically it is for parents and families of children who have passed away in past years from any form of childhood cancer. And well Spenser did not have cancer I am so grateful to be invited as a family to participate in honoring and remembering our children.
I think and everyone in my family agrees that the first year we went it was amazing, they spotlighted each child and had a wonderful message I think we left feeling a little better than when we came. Since that first year well things haven't been that great but we still go and every year it gets a little better. The best part is that it is at Memory Grove in SLC, it is beautiful there and every year they do it a little earlier in the year so we can enjoy the scenery. If you have the means I highly recommend you going there one day. You'll know I'm not lying.
So on October 1st Me, Todd and Courteney went down to Salt Lake, (we missed Kirsten and Tanner this year) the weather was great, it was warm and clear skies. It was nice and we had a good time, I love to think about Spenser and remember how silly she was just remember her period. Even though I think of her every single day this is just a special time for us. I hope that everyone has the opporturnity to share their greif with people who really understand the circumstances that brought them together. Even though it is hard surrounding yourself with people who really get it, it is just nice.
Anyway every year we get a button made with a picture of our child and this year it was this one. This was taking in Lucille Packard Childrens Hospital at Stanford in Palo Alto, CA. The doggy on her head is from the most amazing person I will never meet. Her bone marrow donor.